


Freaky Fridays in Gotham

by PolygamousSquamous



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bodyswap, Canon Disabled Character, Canon-Typical Violence, Don't worry Isabella gets curved, Ed's Projections, First Kiss, First Time, Humor, Love Confessions, M/M, Murder, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-21
Packaged: 2018-11-21 18:18:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11362977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PolygamousSquamous/pseuds/PolygamousSquamous
Summary: Edward and Oswald wake up one morning as each other. Why? How do they deal? This takes place while they are still happily infatuated mayor and chief of staff living in the mansion together.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't find anybody who wrote a Bodyswap fic with these characters. I created an Ao3 account literally because of this. Please enjoy! Comments are welcome. I may continue this.

The first thing Oswald noticed when he woke up was how hungover he was. That in itself should have been a red flag. Oswald was never hungover. Having survived on ludicrous amounts of alcohol for years at a time, nothing short of complete kidney failure levels of alcohol poisoning could get a reaction out of him as of late. He surely hadn't drunk that much last night, after all he remembered even slowing down a bit when he noticed Ed's weak attempts to keep up with him. 

Edward Nygma was notorious for being a light weight having only partaken in wine as a form of celebration rather than a form of sustenance as Ozzie did. Still here Oswald was slowly coming to with this god awful headache.  
He propped himself up on stiff elbows and waited for his head to clear as he slowly pried his eyes open feeling as though they had been glued shut. The bedroom swam before him as a collection of shapes and colors. At first he chalked his clouded vision up to sleep in his eyes before he realized that these colors and shapes were all wrong. For one thing he knew for a fact that his comforter was not green and nor were his curtains. A quick glance around the room did nothing to clear his vision but however as his mind snapped into focus he realized one thing: this was not his room. 

He threw aside the unfamiliar green comforter and gasped at the feeling of cold air hitting his bare legs. He then became aware of his second shocking fact of the morning: he most definitely was not wearing his own comfortable long sleeve monogrammed button up pajamas. Whoever had deposited him in this strange room had also apparently stripped him down to nothing but a pair of revealing boxer briefs and a thin if not completely sheer undershirt. He looked around once more for clues and saw on bedside table a more familiar shape: a pair of glasses. At last part of his situation seemed to make sense. He must be in Edward's room and just not have realized it because of his eye’s not focusing. But this thought also left behind more questions than answers. 

Where was Ed? Why was he in his bed wearing practically nothing? Even if he had simply gotten drunk and ended up in the wrong room last night that did not explain his current state of undress as even in sleep Oswald never left himself so exposed. 

Seeing as how neither his predicament or his eyesight seemed to be getting clearer he at last grabbed the glasses and put them on. That's when he was finally able to get a good look at himself and he came to his last shocking epiphany: this was not his body. Gone were his freckles and many mottled scars and imperfections he looked down to see perfect milky white skin. A broader more solid chest filled up his too tight t-shirt. He was now the owner two lean well muscled arms with large hands and the long fingers of an artist, and most notably coming out of the tiny tight boxer briefs were a pair of perfect unharmed and almost ludicrously long legs. 

Oswald gasped and sputtered and gaped wiggling his legs and his fingers this way and that to verify that he indeed did have control of this body. As he was beginning to hyperventilate he calmed himself and reached up his hands to run them through his hair. He was barely surprised to find that rather than his usual feather soft locks there were thick silky curls atop his head. At last calming down enough to stand and get out of bed he made his way towards Edward’s adjoining bathroom. If he remembered correctly there should have been a full length mirror in there where he could see just how much whatever this was had changed him. He entered the bathroom and seeing that the mirror had a large towel draped over it gave him slight pause. He hadn’t figure Ed to be self conscious. The man practically oozed confidence as of late, not to mention Oswald himself couldn’t take his eyes off of him since he moved in. If Oswald had Ed's body he'd never cover his mirrors he thought. 

“That’s odd.” he remarked aloud and then gasped because his voice wasn’t his own, this voice was lower, it resonated differently, it was… familiar. He knew that voice he realized and when he viciously tore aside the towel and looked in the mirror he saw the all too familiar face of Edward Nygma staring back at him. 

The brown eyes in the mirror were widened in shock and they raked up and down Oswald in the mirror but all he could see was Ed. So these were Ed’s perfect long legs and well muscled body. These were the curls that always adorned his head after sleep and this… outfit (if it could be called that) must be what Ed slept in. This was the stuff of his fantasies. Oswald Cobblepot was inside Edward Nygma’s body, and damn he looked good. He had often imagined Edward underneath those suits he bought him but this was more than he’d dare dream of. He felt good too he noted with a conspicuous lack of his normal daily pains. 

Oswald turned in front of the mirror this way and that admiring Ed from every angle and committing every part of him to memory for when he woke up from this strange alcohol fueled dream because duh of course what else could this be. Still he thought as he reached back palming Edward Nygma’s sumptuous ass if this was nothing more than a dream what could be the harm in exploring. 

And so taking a few deep breaths to steady himself he grabbed the hem of Ed’s boxers and began to pull them down and in order to get a good look at the one part of Edward his fantasies had yet to accurately cover. It was at this moment that Oswald heard an all too familiar nasally voice behind him.

“Um Oswald?” 

He then turned and was face to face with himself. His face was viewing him quizzically as though not sure he was real and suddenly his brain had had enough. Oswald allowed Ed’s eyes to roll up into his head and his legs to turn to jelly. As he went boneless he barely registered the crack of his contact with the floor or the flinch he saw his own body give towards him when he fell. His last thought was “I’m so sorry Ed” before he fainted and the darkness took him over. 

***

That morning Ed jolted suddenly awake from a strange throbbing pain in his leg. He felt weighed down by all the layers upon layers of covers over him but he didn’t feel as hot as he usually would. As he awkwardly reached down to massage the pain away he noted that he also had on silken pants and a pajama shirt. Unusual for him but this must have been Oswald’s doing he reasoned. They had been drinking last night and Ed had gone way past his usual allotment for alcoholic beverages in an attempt to impress to the other man.

“Stupid! Like that was ever going to work.” his inner voice supplied unhelpfully. 

In hindsight that had been a rather foolish idea he thought ruefully for once agreeing with his Other Half’s chastisement. Oswald’s drinking skills were legendary and while Ed was grateful for the conspicuous lack of a migraine this morning that didn't change the fact that last night he had probably passed out sloppy drunk and ended up being dragged upstairs where one of the help probably changed him into these pajamas and ladened him down with blankets. 

As much as he would like to imagine it was Oswald who had tenderly touched him and tucked him in like this, maybe even smoothing away his curls and removing his glasses, he refused to believe that had been the case. The foul mannered Russian maid had probably strong armed him into this position he thought and felt a small pang of loss in his chest.

He shook himself out of these thoughts that were of little consequence, sat up, and stretched. The pain in his leg still hadn’t gone away he noted wondering absentmindedly whether he has fallen on it as he felt the extra pillow someone had placed beneath it under the covers. He looked around at his surroundings and froze in his contemplative stretch as he realized he was in the master bedroom...in Oswald’s bed. That might explain how small he suddenly felt but this made no sense. 

His mind raced through countless scenarios that could account for him being in this position but upon further inspection of the bed there was no evidence that anyone else had slept there with him and no evidence of any...other activities having been engaged in (he hadn’t thought they were that drunk anyways). What exactly happened that prompted Oswald to give up his bed for Edward and what had injured his leg? He wriggled out from beneath the covers and went to stand beside the bed and immediately crumpled to the floor and flat on his face. 

Edward deliberately ignored the fact that his yelp of pain and surprise had been so high pitched and whiny as he used the bed to pull himself upright and that is when he spotted it. Oswald’s cane was leaned up against the bedside table.

“Well,” he mused aloud to himself “It’s not as though Oswald always needs it and I’m sure he has another somewhere.” 

He quirked his head to the side upon hearing himself. Perhaps he was coming down with a cold he thought as he grabbed the cane, his voice had sounded foreign to his ears and his temperature was running much colder than usual. With the aide of the cane he shuffled ungracefully towards the dresser in search of his glasses which he oddly was able to see just fine without. 

Purposefully looking down in order to better avoid the judgmental gaze of the mirror he scanned the surface for his glasses. He did not find them but did however find a couple photographs including one of himself. 

This photo was obviously one taken from the press tour as it was of him smiling genuinely at a party or one of their many press events. Ed was the main focus of the picture and as such it hadn’t been of much use to the newspapers. Ed hadn’t been aware that Oswald kept it much less that he would have it framed in his bedroom next to pictures of his mother and father. An unknown feeling swelled in Ed’s chest as he looked at the picture.

He realized after a moment that the dust patterns around it were different than that of the other two pictures. It was as if the picture of Ed had been removed from the shelf and put back time and time again. Edward guessed Oswald might have been contemplating whether or not to keep it. Never in a million years would he have guessed the true reasons. That Oswald nervously paced back and forth while holding it and practicing his professions of love or that on some of Oswald’s worse nights he had took the picture to his bedside and had Ed’s picture keep him company so that he could wake to that smiling face in the morning before returning it to it’s rightful place. 

At last not seeing his glasses Edward went to turn and leave the room but as he did he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror… or rather he caught a glimpse of Oswald. He gasped at the sight at first turning around to see if it had merely been a trick of the light surely Oswald had just slipped up behind him and showed up in the mirror but...no okay so this must have been another hallucination.

“Hey don’t look at me!” his other self inserted into his thought stream “I’ve got nothing. Besides this was never my M.O.”

Ed sighed and swallowed down the panic he felt rising in his chest. He had to go about this logically. Assuming he wasn’t going crazier, that would mean that he somehow went to sleep as Ed Nygma and awoke as The Penguin. In order to know for sure the extent of this situation he had to go find the man in question and if this were what he thought it was then he knew exactly where he would find him. 

It took Ed longer than it usually would to get to his bedroom with his shortened and impaired stride. When he came in he saw that the bed had already been vacated and headed toward the bathroom. Upon entry he saw his own back. “Is that really what our head looks like from the back?” he absentmindedly thought as he watched Oswald spin his tall (Had he always been so tall?) body in from of the mirror. Pulling and squeezing exploring the new sensations.

“See now he knows how to have fun.” Sing songed Edward’s projection in his ear. “We always did want him to touch us.”

Ed felt Oswald’s face flush bright pink at the statement and just like that he was affected, fully aware of how strange the situation was and inexplicably impossibly turned on at the thought that Oswald Cobblepot at long last was touching him and that he was inside of him. Albeit not in the way he imagined. 

It wasn’t until he saw Oswald tug the waistband of his boxers that he spoke up his insecurities flooding in as he thought of what Oswald’s reaction may be towards his full nakedness. Knowing that depending on how permanent this situation was it may be inevitable he still spoke up hoping to perhaps delay this particular judgement. “Um...Oswald?” he said gently still not used to his new voice. 

He then within all too short a moment witnessed his body wheeling around confirming his suspicions about it’s new occupant and then promptly faint. Barely keeping his balance Ed made a small movement to catch his body as it fell but to no avail. 

After a moment of silence he let out a small “Oh dear!” at their predicament and looked down at himself knocked out cold on the bathroom floor.


	2. Being a Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ed and Oswald make a plan of action for their day. Oswald goes to the library.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha the title of this chapter is a pun. Enjoy!

After Oswald had passed out it only took Ed a moment to realize that moving him was not going to be an option. He thought back to how he had struggled with carrying Oswald back to his apartment all those months ago, back when he had been in his own body, had the advantage of his size, and two fully functioning legs. This morning he had found it was enough of a struggle so support his own weight in Oswald’s body. Not to mention that the pain in his leg seemed to fluctuate between an ever present distraction at best and an excruciating hindrance at worst.

After all this time Ed continued to find new reasons to be in awe of his friend and employer. Ed had only occupied his body for a few hours and was shocked. Was this the pain Oswald dealt with on a daily basis? He thought of how dignified and graceful Oswald always seemed passing off his obvious limp with swagger and with only the slightest of grimaces when he thought no one was looking. But Ed was always looking and he made a mental note that if and when they figured this out he was going to have a talk with Oswald about his leg or at least up his dosage of painkillers and therapeutic massages. 

“Now you’re talking Eddie!” His other self chimed in, “Bet you would love that. All cozied up by the fire with his legs in you lap, digging into his supple femoris and just squeezing”

“Quiet you! I am trying to think.” Ed admonished as he used the wall and Oswald’s cane to lower himself down to the bathroom floor next to where his body lay prone with arms and legs akimbo. 

“I’m just saying the massage night idea is definitely a keeper.”

“I’m glad you approve. Now Shhh”

“I bet Oz would think so too huh? Judging by the way he was totally checking us out earlier. Now tell me, if the two of you were to get it on while you are like this would it really be sex or just masturbation? I’m just trying to ask the important questions here.” 

“He was not checking us out.” Ed insisted as he maneuvered his passed out friend into a more comfortable position with his head balanced in his lap. “Curiosity about the new body one is inhabiting is perfectly natural.” He paused for a second and then began to run his hands through the hair of his passed out body soothingly, in the way he knew he would like if another person had ever actually did it to him. 

He was sure Oswald had a perfectly reasonable explanation as to why he had been about to expose Ed’s nether regions. In fact Edward was sure there was a rational explanation for everything that had happened this morning. This is Gotham after all and while nothing immediately came to mind he was sure stranger things had happened than a transferring of consciousness between friends.

He would simply wait here until Oswald woke up. Then he could help Ed off the bathroom floor (Getting down into this position had been relatively easy but as he wasn’t accustomed to Oswald’s injury getting up may prove a bit more challenging.) and they could try to figure this out together.

***

“So you mean to tell me…” Ed paused clearly not able to fathom the words Oswald had just uttered. “That you have never seen or heard of Freaky Friday?” 

After Oswald had woken up he inevitably had been flustered but after helping extricate Ed and himself from the bathroom they went back to his room and shut the door to further discuss their predicament. He and Ed sat in his bed and Edward had tried to compare their situation towards the most comparable one he could think of, fictional though it may be. To his surprise Oswald had merely stared back at him blankly with no recognition. 

Oswald rolled his eyes at the statement incredulous at Edward’s priorities. “Really Ed! That’s what you see amiss about this situation?”

“Right my apologies.” Edward conceded. They did in fact have bigger fish to fry besides Oswald's apparent ignorance for what some may consider a cult classic 70s comedy. “Not even the remake?” He tried.

“Edward...” Oswald although now wearing Ed’s body seemed to have retained his mannerisms. Ed had to admit it was strange to hear Oswald’s warning tone directed at him in his own voice and to see his own features twist into Oswald’s disapproving glare, eyes narrowed, and mouth twitching just as Oswald’s normally would when he has had enough and is close to a melt down. 

“Right right right sorry. I suppose not.” he said sinking back and smiling awkwardly. He mentally filed away the fact that Oswald probably had had little time for movies given his modest upbringing and busy schedule and put movie nights next to massage nights on his list of things to bring up later. However, he thought, there was one thing that was going to bother him if he waited a moment more to ask about it.

“Oswald.” He started cautiously “About earlier… right before you fainted.” 

Oswald’s back stiffened at the mention of that awkward moment, at what Ed had walked in on him about to do with his body. “Yes.” He said softly almost timid in the face of what he was sure would be judgment disgust and perhaps even anger.

“Were you going to take a peek because it’s okay if you were I just...” have to know he finished silently waiting for Oswald to reply.

“I don’t know.” Oswald said at last settling for a half truth and struggling to decipher the look he saw Ed making with his own face. The full truth was that he had made up his mind to ‘take a peek’ as Ed had so delicately put it. What he hadn’t decided was what he was going to do once he saw all of Ed.

“It would’ve been rude and a violation of your privacy and I should not have even thought of it. I am sorry Ed.” he said after a moment, apologizing for both the peaking and the horrible unspoken thing he had been contemplating doing with his friend’s appendage. 

“Oh no no no. Please think nothing of it. Besides you would have made us even.” Ed said, trying for light hearted and casual but missing the mark completely by staring down at his lap and blushing furiously from the memory.

“What!” Oswald yelped as he tried to process exactly what Ed was implying with that statement.

“I only mean we would have both seen each other’s… um seen the other one naked.” he finished lamely, wincing at the turn this conversation was taking before quickly blurting out a stammered explanation “ I mean I didn’t mean to look and it wasn't today it was a while ago when you were injured and I carried you back to my bed but not like that I didn’t want to look not that I wouldn't want to look it’s just your clothes were dirty and you smelled and I needed to take care of you and that was before we um…” Ed trailed off at last ending his anxious logorrhea and looked up at Oswald whose jaw was still dropped with his mouth gaping in a large O. 

Ed begun to wring his hands nervously in an expression that was so unmistakably him it pressed play on Oswald’s mind and brought it back to the present conversation they had been trying to have before Ed derailed it and admitted to undressing him. 

“Right. So… anyways. Putting that aside. What should we do now”

“Yes. Now.” Ed said letting out a breath. He was grateful for the reprieve and that he could now stretch his brain to hopefully find some answers. The first thing he would need to do is research find out if this had ever happened to anyone before and how they reversed it. “Alright so I think first we should head to the library and see if there are any books about this condition. Find out if this has happened to anyone else, how long it lasts, what induced it, and if there is anything we need to do in order to-”

“No.” Oswald cut him off “I mean what do we do right now.” at seeing how Ed still looked perplexed he clarified. “Ed we have to go to work. I am the Mayor. Remember? You’re my Chief of staff we can't just not show up to work, not to mention my other job.”

Ed paused for a minute before he came up with the logical solution “I think we should split up.”

“What? No. We need to-” Ed raised a hand to stop Oswald’s protests much in the way the latter normally would when Ed is about to disagree.

“No hear me out I’ll go to work as you and you go to the library to find the books. Think about it I may be you but I still have memorized all your schedules and meetings. It will be like having the chief of staff and the mayor there. I’ll cancel all the meetings but the important ones and inform everyone that poor Ed isn't feeling well and won't be in today. I’ll even let Tarquin stand in so the people won’t ask questions.” Ed finished looking expectantly at Oswald for his approval.

Oswald could see no flaw in his logic. On usual work day Ed would often fill him in on where he should be and when, how things stood, and who it was important to play nice with. This would be just like that without the extra step. He had no doubt that Edward would do perfectly at pretending to be him especially with his great attention to detail but he had an unexplained anxiety about them letting the other one out of their sight especially when they were using each other’s bodies. 

“Fine” he conceded at last. “Let’s get dressed then” He got up and turned to walk into his closet before realizing he would need to wear Ed’s clothes and leaving his room to head back to Edward’s. 

Once there he went through Ed’s clothes and selected a muted blue ensemble that was still stylish but hopefully would attract any unnecessary attention. He got dressed quickly now too embarrassed to do anymore exploring and went down stairs to meet Edward. He found once there that Olga had laid out his signature breakfast on the table. Not wanting it to go to waste he had been about to take a bite when the maid herself bustled in and snatched the plate out of his reach.

“What is the meaning of this woman!” He exclaimed, livid at her transgression.

“I make this food for Mister Cobblepot.” she snarkily explained “Not you.” 

Oswald rolled his eyes. Right he wasn’t Mister Cobblepot anymore he was Ed and as far as Olga was concerned he was public enemy number one in this house. “And what exactly am I supposed to do for breakfast.” he said voice dripping with malice. 

She shrugged noncommittally and walked away. How had Oswald never noticed she seemed to abhor setting a place for Ed at the table in the mornings. He realized now that Ed always brought his own plate and helped himself to the numerous dishes she prepared for Oswald presumably to agitate the woman further with his indifference.

He was about to call after her and demand that she treat Edward with the respect he deserved when the man himself limped down the stairs and around the corner dressed almost completely in green. 

Oswald blinked for a second and just took in the sight of the outfit Ed has chosen for himself made up of clothes that Oswald had almost forgotten he even owned. He had on dark green pants, a pale green shirt, green tie, and a black vest with green detailing to match the color of the tie and pants was visible protruding beneath the dark green jacket. The looked was finished off with Oswald’s green gloves that he hadn’t worn since that night almost a year ago with Galavan. All in all the look wasn’t terrible but it certainly was not something Oswald would have ever chosen for himself.

“Oswald? I hope this is okay. You were staring.” Ed said breaking the awkward silence as he was being examined.

“Right. Yes. Sorry Ed the outfit is fine it’s just... green isn’t my color.” Oswald stepped forward with what he hoped was a small reassuring smile and smoothed out the fabric moving Ed’s hands away from where he nervously pulled at the sleeves.

“Au contraire!” Said Ed, some of his confidence and flair returning “You turn heads in any color and besides I do believe the pale green matches nicely with your eyes”

Oswald smiled softly and made a note that when this was sorted out he would definitely buy more green clothing. 

“Alrighty.” Ed said clapping his hands abruptly and ending the spell. “I better get going or you are gonna be late for work. Are you sure you know what to look for at the library.” 

“Yes any research or reports of instances of consciousness transferring.” Oswald rattled off ready for what he would ask when he got there. 

“Good luck and see you at home after.” Ed said cheerily before limping out the door with one last glance back. 

***

Oswald strode into the library some time later swinging Ed’s long arms and trying not to appear too much like an awkward teenager who suddenly had a growth spurt and wasn’t quite sure how to control his new body. He went up to the desk and tapped lightly on the small silver bell to summon the librarian. She came out from the back almost instantly. When she caught sight of the man who summoned her she smiled coquettishly and pushed a platinum blond curl that escaped from her simple updo behind her ear while smoothing a hand over the fabric of her form fitting dress. 

“Why hello there.” the woman said somewhere between cheerful and reverent as she takes in the appearance of the tall striking gentleman before her.

“Yes hello.” Oswald says awkwardly shifting under this woman’s blatant staring “My name is Edward and I am looking For a specific book or kind of books rather.” he amended.

“ I see.” she said leaning closer conspiratorially and placing a hand on Oswald’s arm “Impossible to chose the right one.” she said with a wink. After Oswald glanced down at the hand in disdain and back up at her face she removed it hesitantly and tried to recover. “My name is Isabella, pleasure to meet you Edward.” 

“Yes well that’s just great, if you could please direct me towards your research section I’m sure I can manage on my own.” Oswald suddenly decided that this Woman was going to be a waste of time. Clearly she was dimwitted at best and couldn’t seem to stop drooling over Edward long enough to actually assist him. The sooner he got the books the sooner he and Ed could figure this out

“Allow me to show you she said stepping out from behind the desk and grabbing his hand. Oswald didn’t bother to hide his eye roll as this woman pulled him along through the shelves toward where they kept their non fiction.

When she at last stopped and released his hand he began skimming the shelves looking for his desired titles and pointedly ignoring the way this Isabelle woman was still hovering in his periphery. 

Unaware that she was unwanted the woman spoke up again. This time moving back into his personal space and almost whispering. 

"Sometimes I’m blind. Sometimes I’m not. I have to be asked for before I am got. Used to ease a heart's ache. Two souls alike in me partake. What am I?” She rattled off the riddle while looking up expectantly through her eyelashes with a tiny smile playing at the corners of her mouth.

Alright screw this. Oswald thinks, suddenly furious at this woman’s obvious attempts at flirting with Ed and now with a damn riddle of all things. Perhaps what truly bothered him is that if he were actually Ed he would have no doubt welcomed the attention and the challenge or even flirted back. He drew up to Ed’s full height simmering and set this woman straight. 

“You picked the wrong day Isabelle.” He announced. “I’m sure Ed would normally love to sit here and trade word play with you but I do not have time for this. Now if you would be so kind I need to look for these books.” He finished his tirade with a shooing motion and mouthed the words ‘get lost’. 

At first Isabella only frowned confusedly and then taking stock of his expression spun on her heel and made her exit mumbling while quiet apologies. 

When Oswald found all the books the library had on transferring of consciousness and out of body experiences he headed for the door blowing past Isabella where she sat quietly at her desk without even bothering to properly check out his bounty. He threw back one last cursory glance at her as he exit and mumbled to himself. “She’s probably not even his type.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made up Isabella's riddle myself. The answer is a date.


	3. Destructive Discharge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ed goes to work as Oswald things do not go as smoothly as he promised.

For Edward convincing Oswald of his confidence in the plan had been one thing but actually pretending to be the man was another. As Oswald’s driver pulled up outside of City Hall and stopped Edward just stared up at the building and tried to collect his thoughts. 

He went to work in this building with Oswald everyday this would be no different except this time he was Oswald. While Ed understood the logistics of the job perfectly he knew he wasn’t as much of a people person as Oswald was. Oswald was charismatic and a natural leader everyone either adored or feared him appropriately. Most of the staff couldn’t stand Edward on his best days, probably because he was obviously Oswald’s favorite, it certainly had nothing to do with his blatant disdain for them and condescending manner. They were all idiots as far as Ed was concerned none of them knew what was best for Oswald like he did. 

“Idiots or not they’ll see right through us. This was a dumb plan.” his mirror self chimed in.

“There’s no way!” Ed shot back. “I look just like him so they have no reason to suspect anything. Barring any unnecessary complications, I should get through the day without incident.”

“Good luck with that.” His projection scoffed before winking out of existence at the sound of the driver’s voice.

“Mister Mayor? You on the phone or something back there? Should I drive around for a bit?”

“No. Sorry. I’ll just get out.” He said inwardly cringing. Oswald would never apologize, especially not to un underling, already Ed was making mistakes. He tried to channel his inner penguin when he next spoke. 

“I think you’ve already made me late enough for work, thank you.” He said, being sure to throw in extra malice, just daring the man to contradict him, after all he had left the house way later than usual thanks to the mornings events. 

He swung his legs out of the car reaching back to grab Oswald’s cane and tried his best to walk with Oswald’s easy swagger as he ascended the front steps. Instead he ended up with more of a painful waddle which turned into a shuffle when he was back on flat ground approaching the door. 

How had Ed never noticed how many steps there were. It shocked him to think that Oswald had to climb them like that everyday. You’d think as the city’s mayor he could insist on a ramp being installed to make this place more accessible. However he knew Oswald would see it as a show of weakness which wouldn't do for his position as mayor or his other off the book's position as Gotham’s top gangster kingpin. 

As soon as he entered through the revolving door he was greeted by Penny Oswald’s assistant. 

“Ah there you are mister mayor.” she said letting out a breath she had been holding anxiously. “Did you have trouble getting here this morning?” she inquired cautiously. 

“ Not at all.” Ed replied deciding brief and casual would be his best approach to dealing with anyone. “Actually my Chief of staff is not feeling well and is a bit… indisposed at the moment.” he pushed past her and began to walk towards the offices anxious to get this interaction over with as quickly as possible

“So mister Nygma will not be coming in today?” she said not bothering to hide her smile. 

When Ed was at work he had a tendency to annoy her with his perfectionism and his bad habit of micromanaging her job to make sure everything was ‘just so’ for his precious mayor. Perhaps with him gone she could finally relax.

Ed took notice of her relief and sneered at her before his anger dissolved into apprehension at the fact that there were even more stairs in between them and his office. He sighed and began to climb them noting how Penny hovered a few steps behind him the whole way there. When he came to his office door he spoke. “Penny please send Tarquin up to talk to me as soon as possible with Ed gone I will need him to take care of some documents for me.” 

“Of course sir.” she replied but then looked at him with slight confusion. 

“What is it?” Ed stammered out immediately self conscious that he may have done something wrong.

“Nothing sir. It’s just your office is that way.” She said pointing across the hall to Oswald’s office. Ed realized he had gone to his own office by mistake.

“Yes of course. I knew that. I just had to um… get some files from mister Nygma’s desk” he stammered out slamming the door in her face. 

After he heard her footsteps retreating he took a deep breath and crossed the hall to go wait in Oswald’s office for Tarquin. As it turns out he didn’t have to wait long. The first thing that entered the room was the man’s overbearing cologne, followed closely by his ego and his sycophantic smile. 

From the minute Ed had laid eyes on Tarquin he had hated him. He was power hungry, egotistical, and moronic. The former two traits happened to be ones that Oswald wore rather attractively but Oswald was also clever. Tarquin’s clumsy attempts at getting into his good graces and his constant need for approval and recognition annoyed Edward to no end. He was like a spoiled child and while Ed had no real reason to want him gone he knew he certainly wouldn’t lose any sleep if the man happened to die a painful death one day.

“Hello Mister Mayor I hear that Nygma is unable to complete his duties. Let me assure you it is my job as deputy Chief of staff to serve you with the exact same zeal and smarts as mister Nygma would. If not more.” he added with a wink. 

Ed wondered exactly how long he had been waiting to swoop in and ‘serve’ with ‘zeal’ he knew Tarquin wanted his job but that speech sounded like the kind of thing he had rehearsed in the mirror every morning before work. 

“Mister Nygma is perfectly capable of completing his duties he just needed to take a sick day.”

“Of course. Of course.” Taquin amended not looking at all like he had just been snubbed. “ Just consider today my trial run sir. I promise I won’t let you down.”At this last part he edged closer to the desk at which Ed was sitting and leaned over splaying his hands on it and flashing another toothy grin.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself Tarquin. Ed already filled me in on most of what needs to be done today I just need you to file some papers.” 

“Figures the one time ‘the android’ has to take a sick day he still manages to outwork me.” 

“You don't make it very difficult.” Ed dead panned not really fazed by the name calling as it was childish and he’s sure he’d been called worse.

Tarquin looks halted for a second before he makes a big show of straightening up and laughing just a bit too loudly to be natural. “I must say sir your humor never ceases to amaze.” 

Tarquin shifts tactics now ignoring his dismissal for a second time and much to Ed’s chagrin he perched himself on the edge of Oswald’s desk and continued to speak in his facetious and arrogant tone.  
“I’m sure your chief of staff only manages to over achieve because he has the privilege of going home with you each night.”

Ed froze as he began to wonder what exactly Tarquin was playing at.

“I don’t know what you're implying he, I, we would never-” Ed was stunned back into silence from his ramblings as Tarquin stood again to face him reaching across the desk and shushing him with a finger pressed to his parted lips. He had no doubt mistaken Ed’s infuriated stammering for an opportunity.

“Now now Mister Mayor you and I both know that that psycho Nygma doesn’t give you what you really need.” He paused taking Ed’s face in his hands staring down into Oswald’s pale eyes “If you want the company of a real man I can show you a good time right here in this office.” He raised his eyebrows suggestively and hungrily licked his lips.

At that point Ed’s brain shut off. He later wouldn’t be able to tell exactly when it happened. He only knew that it was somewhere between the point of an outstretched hand touching him, touching Oswald, and the word psycho that Tarquin had signed his own death warrant. 

Edward had always been surprised by Oswald’s size and strength when the man had been provoked. Being in control of that power was equally as terrifying. It was as if Oswald’s body had just reacted. In an instant Ed was on the desk. In one fluid motion he had grabbed the letter opener and jammed it with both hands into Tarquin’s unsuspecting neck. His left hand gripped the handle and his right palm came down with great force jamming it in and completely severing several import arteries which if Ed could name by heart if he had cared to. 

For a second Tarquin stood there dumbly swaying as if unaware of the fact that it was his blood that splattered out over the desk in a wide arc. Then Ed practically tackled him riding his body to the floor. He ended up straddling him and then savagely grabbed the letter opener from where it protruded on the left side of Tarquin's throat and dragging it across and through, ripping tendon and muscle with a satisfying crunch that meant the man’s windpipe was now non existent. 

“Oh dear”

Try as he might Edward could feel very little remorse for killing him in fact had Ed known the first time he took a sick day this man would dare make an advance on Oswald he may have killed him sooner. 

“Well so much for a lack of unnecessary complications” 

Despite the fact that Edward had literally impersonated Oswald for all of twenty minutes and he already had a body on the floor he didn’t feel nervous or panicky. As ironic as it was this was a situation he could deal with something more familiar to him than anything else that had happened since he woke up. 

He got up from the floor noting how the pain in his leg had finally stopped and guessing he had the burst of adrenaline to thank for it. He glanced around the office to take stock of the situation. The man’s cooling blood was not only soaking into the floor beneath him it also splattered up from Ed’s first stab and had gotten everywhere including all over his green outfit.

Pity. 

He pulled out his cell and pressed the contact labeled V. Zsasz, one that he had kept saved ever since calling on the man to help him take down Butch. He answered after a couple rings. Either he was busy or deciding if he really cared enough to pick up.

“Hey there Riddles! Got anymore fun little jobs for me. The last time I had a blast.”

“Zsasz I’m at city hall right now. I need help with a body.”

“Oh...Hey boss! Why are you using Nygma’s phone?”

“No time to explain just bring stuff for cleanup and bring someone who can help you, someone discreet. Who’s that guy I trust? Rather large man, quiet, gives off Italian uncle vibes?”

Zsasz laughed directly into the receiver and took a minute to catch his breath before speaking “Yeah boss I’ll bring Gabe. Be there in ten. You in your office?” 

“Yes.” Ed hung up and while he waited he gathered up all the papers that had been bloodied to see if he could determine what needed to be replaced.

When Gabe and Victor finally arrived the latter took a look around the room and raised a nonexistent eyebrow as he took in the scene before him. “What happened here?”

“Don’t worry about him.” Ed said gesturing in the general direction where Tarquin had landed on the floor.

“Oh. Him?” Zsasz questioned refocusing on Tarquin for the first time “I couldn’t care less about him- although good job taking out his artery on the initial stab- but what in the green fuck are you wearing? Let me guess, You let Nygma pick your outfit?”

Ed rolled his eyes it seemed no one here appreciated his fashion choices “I don’t pay you for your judgement I pay you for your proficiency in dealing with crime.” He quipped defensively crossing his arms in front of him.

“Well the only real crime here is your outfit. Full offense boss but you look like a wounded Christmas tree.”

Gabe spoke at last in his low rumbling tones. “Why don’t you just put on your backup suit in the closet.”

“My what now?” 

Now it was Gabe’s turn to cock an eyebrow. “You know that extra outfit you keep in the closet just in case your other business gets a little messy in here.” 

If Gabe or Zsasz thought he was acting strangely they knew to keep their mouth’s shut about it especially when the Boss was clearly in a mood. So they kept quiet as Edward retreated into the closet to change, waiting until he was shut inside to comment on it. 

By the time Ed had changed (difficult in the small space but there was no way he could be seen as the mayor waiting outside the bathroom with blood on his clothes) and exited the closet Gabe Zsasz and Tarquin were all gone and the only evidence that something happened in the office was the fact that the rug had also been removed. Ed knew it wasn't salvageable and he supposed he would have to make it up to Oswald later but for now there was work to be done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm almost done you guys I think imma do one more chapter after this and I have it planned out so it won't be as long of a wait this time.


	4. Resolutions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Edward managed to get through the rest of the day without murdering any more staff members, it was at last time for him to go home so that he and Oswald could hopefully find a way to reverse their condition however something Tarquin said weighs on him and opens up the door to more questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright this is it. This took way longer than expected (life) but hopefully a satisfying conclusion all the same.

Ed came home to find Oswald sitting crisscross applesauce in the living room floor. On one knee he had perched one of the books he had acquired from the library which he was flipping through haphazardly at best and on the other knee was balanced his real focus: a plate ladened down with sandwiches.

For a moment Ed just lingered in the doorway and watched his own body sitting there, laid back. Gone was the formal wear Oswald had been in earlier in favor of just the button up shirt and pants, his shoes laid aside and tie hanging loosely round his neck untied. He tried to Imagine Oswald’s body instead of his own and yet try as he might he couldn’t. While It wasn’t uncommon at all for Ed to be in such a position, it was a privilege Ed rarely enjoyed to see the Penguin shed his armor of a three piece suit. 

Ed cleared his throat after a minute and Oswald looked up at last the spell of domesticity broken. 

“Ah Ed you’re back. I hope you don’t mind, I was just amazed at how many sandwiches I have eaten and yet I don’t feel full at all.” 

Ed smiled knowingly. He knew he’d always had a strong metabolism but he didn’t expect Oswald to be enjoying it so thoroughly. “And here I was trying to watch my figure” He joked distractedly

Oswald continued ignoring Edward’s self deprecating teasing for the moment. “ I went to the library like you asked and got all the books they had on out of body experiences or trading consciousness and the like but I don’t see how we can use any of it.”

“I’ll take a look.” Ed said although he didn’t move yet from where he was standing in the entranceway staring. 

“Most cases were temporary and a couple of them were indefinite but none of them were purposeful they all just changed and then just changed back. They have no idea what induced them other than ‘proximity and emotional closeness’ of the two people.” That last part Oswald rattled off from memory. It was a phrase many of the books used to describe their subjects ‘emotionally close.’ Odd how well that description suited him and Ed even despite their many differences. 

He looked up at Ed who was nodding slowly with a far off expression as though he was struggling to collect himself.

Finally when Oswald hadn’t received so much as a ‘Fascinating!’ at the explanation which he was sure would catch Ed’s interest, he set aside his plate and book and stood. “Is everything okay?” he began approaching Ed coming so they were face to face. After still not receiving an answer he tried again 

“Edward? How was work?”

Edward noticed Oswald’s proximity. He was still unsure why, but it made him really uneasy to look up at himself like this. It reminded him too much of his other self who had been suspiciously quiet since that morning.

Edward hadn’t really registered Oswald’s questions and so when he spoke at last it was not at all what the other man had been expecting.

“Why do I stay with you?” 

Edward saw his own face flash from surprise to hurt and instantly amended his question “No, I mean, Why do you let me stay with you? Let me live here, in your house?’

“What what brought that on?” Oswald said voice and face kept carefully even as he tried to gage what exactly Ed wanted to hear.

“I love staying here with you Oswald it’s just...some things that someone said to me today at work, some assumptions they made, are starting to make me question my initial thoughts about your motives, or lack thereof.”

Oswald quirked an eyebrow at that wondering what exactly they’d said to get Ed like this and whether he should be amused or concerned with Ed’s classic serious and clinical approach to the conversation.

“Please don’t misunderstand me” Edward started, backing up, in response to the strange looks Oswald gave him. “I love it here. I like to be close to you in case you need me, I love this house and all it’s history, and I do believe your friendship and partnership has been genuine.”

He takes a shaky breath in and out not sure what he is trying to get Oswald to admit yet. “But you could have sent me back to my old apartment or put me anywhere really and yet you chose to have me here.”

It still looked as though Oswald was trying to figure him out. Ed appreciated the irony in that. He always thought his feelings for Oswald were clear, right there on display for everyone to see. Oswald was the one who was the enigma not him.

“Please don’t think Oswald, just answer. I think I… have a hypothesis.” Ed looked expectantly searching in his own face for the answers that were usually hidden in the face he now wears.

“What can I say” Oswald began deciding to tell at least some part of the truth “I like to have you close Edward. You are the only one I can trust and you are of more use to me by my side.”

While what he said seemed innocent enough Oswald’s mind was racing. He had been dancing around telling Edward of his feelings for weeks and now he was so close. 

In his mind he was pleading: ‘Edward if you never solve any other riddle in your life I need you to solve this one. I need you to figure out how I feel about you because I have tried and if you don’t figure it out I don't know how I am ever going to say I love you.’

Something didn't feel right about Oswald’s answer. Ed knew something was missing. He knew his own face, his micro expressions, and his tells and he knew Oswald’s too. What danced across his own features was a mix of uncertainty and nervousness. That was the look Ed had the few times when he has felt out of his depth and the look Oswald had when they are getting too close to a sensitive subject. Also, strangely enough, there was a kind of searching look there almost like he wants, no needs, Ed to figure out what he is leaving unspoken. Whatever it is it clearly was weighing on Oswald and he wants to be free. 

Maybe that was why Ed finally dared to say what he had been waiting to for a long time.

Ed could simply ask Oswald if he felt the same way but he realized now that he knew what Oswald’s answer would be. Why did it only take walking in Oswald’s shoes for a day for him to realize what was right under his nose all along.

“Oswald.”

“Yes Edward.”

Here goes nothing Edward thought.

“I love you.”

Oswald went breathless at that. This night was turning out very different than he expected. He breathed out softly. “I take it you’ve solved it then?”

“You let me stay here because, you figured out my feelings about you.”

Oswald had to laugh at that and for a second Ed feared it was worse than he thought. Did Oswald really think his feelings for him humorous? Ed had known Oswald would not reciprocate but if Oswald had figured out Ed’s feelings then better to confess now than to remain a coward. He had expected that Oswald was uncomfortable with knowing that Ed loved him or maybe even pitied him and that’s why he’d been allowed to be this close, but he hadn’t expected to be laughed at.

In his mind’s eye he was back at the precinct watching Kristen laugh at the love poem he had written her and dismissively hand it off to one of the brutish cops only for him to crumple it and throw it to the ground. Oswald calmed his laughter and spoke at last his endearment coaxing Ed out of these half formed dark thoughts.

“Forgive me for laughing Edward but that’s not why I want you to stay, in fact I only just now learned you feel that way.”

His momentary hurt gave way to confusion. “Then why did-”

“I love you too.” and with those four words both men were at last set free. 

Oswald reached out and grabbed Ed pulling him in for a tight hug. And Ed grabbed back fiercely relishing the experience of being completely surrounded for once by one of Oswald’s hugs due to his own larger body initiating it. Ed felt completely relaxed and breathed a large sigh of relief from the anxiety he felt earlier.

Oswald loved him back.

“I thought you were laughing at me.” He said into his own chest as he felt it heave with the weight of Oswald’s emotions.

Oswald shushed him and placed a hand on the back of his head and pulling him closer. “I could never laugh at you. You silly brilliant man. I was only laughing at how it took the impossible for us to finally admit our feelings.”

Ed laughed then too. He noticed it was Oswald’s laugh and held on to the sound and the feeling of having his joy escape in such a beautiful way.

Oswald turned serious then and held Ed out wiping the tears from his eyes. “Thank you for telling me, for taking that leap of faith. If you hadn’t I may not have found the courage to say anything and then where would we be.”

Ed still couldn’t quite wrap his head around the concept that his feelings had been reciprocated. “How...how long have you known?” He chanced cautiously.

“How long have I known that I love you?” Oswald took a deep steadying breath before he continued. 

“I don’t think I know exactly when. When I finally broke free of the conditioning Hugo Strange used on me in Arkham it was like coming out of a trance and finally getting control of myself again. I came to in this house and the only thing that felt real about the time since I had been in Arkham was the pain. The pain I felt at being so lost and alone, the pain I felt at losing my father and having no one again, and the pain I felt when I lost you Ed. 

I was never mad at you for pushing me out that day because I knew had the roles been reversed I may have done the same at one point. God you used to drive me crazy, but I was never mad at you. 

After I killed Grace and her kids and killed Galavan again I came back to this house and I drank and I thought a lot about the last time when I had truly felt like myself and I realized that that was when I was with you. You looked at me and saw me as I wanted to be and it came true because you believed in me when noone else did. I realized I had you to thank for everything, for my revenge, for getting my throne back. 

I had to know how your plan worked out to fool Jim Gordon. I went through all the papers that had been collecting and read about everything you did and I felt so happy for you and proud. I was so proud of how brilliant you were, how creative and ruthless. I felt like I was a part of that, like you were mine and like I created Edward Nygma just as you recreated me when you saved me. 

When I read you had been put in Arkham I was furious and scared that they would do to you what they did to me and that they would take away your big beautiful ruthless mind and I would lose you again. That was the day I first came to visit you. 

You wanted to know why I let you stay here, well it's the same reason I sent you all those gifts and visited you every week: because I couldn’t bare to let the world take you away from me, because you deserve to have your remarkable self appreciated and admired on the level that only I can, that I only ever want to do for you and no one else.”

When had Edward started crying again? His head was spinning as so many things made sense now. He thought of that first visit when Oswald had come and just talked with him, trying to see how much of the man he knew remained.

“It killed me to see how that place made you feel, Ed after seeing you there all I wanted was for this excitement this sheer glee and single minded determination only you are capable of to just come back. I wanted you to come back to me and you finally did. I could never lay myself bare like this for anyone. Maybe the reason why these words are coming to me so easily now because it's just like I’m talking to myself.”

“Oswald if I’m being honest with myself I think I have loved you since the first moment I saw you. You were so powerful and fierce and confident. I saw you and I thought at first I wanted to be you but that was just that voice in my head telling me to be better. Really I just wanted to be yours. I’ve researched you since that day you first walked into the GCPD, kept track of your rise to power and after I killed Kristen and I found you in the woods that day, I thought it must be fate. It must’ve been a sign that I was meant to be yours.”

Oswald had to kiss him for that. If what Ed just said is true then he’d been waiting for this moment even longer than he has. He grabbed Ed’s face in the way he’d imagined Ed would grab his a hundred times his thumbs lightly wiping away the evidence of his tears while he bent down and pressed their lips together. 

Ed closed his eyes the feelings clashing inside of himself violently. His thoughts fragmented as he marveled at the softness of his own lips and the firm insistent kiss that was all Oswald. He tried to remember that that was who he was really kissing, that the man in front of him was real, he was the man he loved and the man who loved him back. When Oswald moved to deepen the kiss he pulled away out of his grasp.

“Wait! Oswald….wait.” he gasped trying to catch his breath and clear his head.

“Why...Ed what’s wrong.”

“I just I don’t want this to go any further. Not while we are like this. I want to be with you.”

“I am still me Edward.” Oswald knew the situation was not ideal but he after what he’d spent the afternoon reading he wasn’t sure if they ever would change back. A small twisted selfish part of himself thought he could get used to it, but not if Ed was obviously so uncomfortable. 

“Well it's not you. I just…” Ed licked his lips before continuing. “I just don't particularly like myself.” Ed finished lamely, he couldn’t really think of a way to explain all of the things wrong with this situation that wouldn’t make Oswald worry about him or think he was crazy. Perhaps one day he would be ready to tell him that one of the faces that often tormented him was his own but tonight was not the night.

“What are you talking about Ed?” Oswald stepped back making a big show of standing up straight and smiling to try and lighten the mood. “Edward Nygma look at yourself! Newsflash you’re absolutely gorgeous!”

“That's very kind of you Oswald but I…” 

“No Ed it’s the truth, I may not have loved you from the first moment I saw you but I definitely knew that you were a cutie, even that innocent little scientist had his charms.”

Oswald finally shut his mouth, he could see that Ed was a bit wary of receiving his compliments at the moment. He was just going to have to find a way to get them back into their right bodies so that he could spend every moment showing Ed just how lovely he thinks he is.

That night they decided they would sleep together in Oswald’s bed. After what they had just confessed neither really wanted to be apart from the other. So Oswald showed Ed how to find a comfortable sleeping position and helped elevate his leg and then he snuggled into the covers next to him curling into his side and placing his head on Ed’s chest. 

Edward absentmindedly stoked his fingers through his own curls as sleep took them both. Before they drifted off Oswald’s last thought was that when they were themselves again he would make sure Edward went to sleep every night with his hand scratching soothingly along his scalp. Now that he knew how pleasant Edward’s body found that particular sensation he couldn’t wait to give him this and so much more.

***

 

Oswald woke up the next morning in his own bed in his own room. His sense of contentment and rightness in the world had nothing to do with that and everything to do with the fact that he felt the rise and fall of someone sleeping beside him. He rolled over onto his side to face Ed where he slumbered and just drank in his perfect face. How long had he dreamed of waking up next to Edward Nygma? 

For a few minutes he just laid there eyes scouring the man who had become his angel, hair disheveled around his face, he lay on his stomach with his head turned to one side stretching out his impossibly long neck, his eyelashes fanned out daintily where they came to rest on his impossibly high cheekbones...Wait a minute. 

His thoughts screeched to a halt. He was looking at Edward. Looking at him. That meant that he was not Edward. 

All thoughts of not disturbing the sleeping man banished from his mind he sat bolt upright and flung the covers off both of them and looked down at himself. His smaller more wiry frame, one leg slightly shorter than the other. He felt up and around his head and sure enough there were his own feather soft locks he traced a hand over his his face, his sharp nose, and his hand came to rest on his shoulder where he could feel the familiar shape of the long healed slightly puckered bullet wound. 

Beside him Ed stirred and groaned scooching closer and nuzzling his face into the warmth of Oswald’s thigh.

“Why did you pull the covers off???” Ed interrupted his complaint for an exaggerated yawn. 

“Ed wake up. Get up this instant.” He began shaking him fiercely earning him more muffled protests and a gentle swat on the arm.

“Oswald, I don’t wanna...it’s Saturday!” Oswald flipped Ed over and pulled him until he was in a relatively upright position

“I know Ed I know just look!”

Ed’s eyes which had been screwed tight in protest finally at last blinked open one after the other. He then looked flat and unimpressed obviously still annoyed at having been woken up so suddenly. 

“Whatever it is you are trying to show me Oswald I can’t see it.” He flopped back onto the pillows and Oswald searched his face as he counted down mentally. 

‘Three. Two. One.’

Edward lit up all at once and he sat bolt upright in a hilarious parallel to what Oswald had just done and gasped in realization. 

“Oswald! I can’t see it! I can’t see!” he patted frantically over his face and chest and smiled broadly. He turned reaching to grab his glasses from where Oswald left them on the bedside table and tumbled off the bed onto the floor bringing his glasses and a couple other items with him.

“Ed?” after a couple of moments his head reappeared to Oswald over the edge of the bed with his glasses on suppressing a giggle. 

“Hi Oswald.”

Oswald rolled his eyes fondly. “Hi Ed. Are you done?”

“Yes.” he conceded sheepishly and then he demurred switching in an instant to coquettish “I think I want to come back up on the bed and kiss you now.” 

Oswald gaped at him. What had he done to deserve this man. Ed clambered gracelessly back up onto the bed and into Oswald’s waiting arms where he pressed a soft purposeful kiss on his cheek. He pulled away smirking triumphantly.

“Ed I hope that’s not all you came up here for.” He shook his head no and leaned back in, this time putting his lips on Oswald’s. He tilted his head to the side and they both parted in silent agreement to allow further exploration. 

Oswald was ecstatic, all of Edward’s reservations from the night before seemed to have vanished now that he was back in the comfort of his own body. He grabbed Ed scooping him up and flipping him onto his back where Oswald was back on him in an instant abandoning his lips in favor of peppering kisses all along his neck and jawline.

“You’re. So. Strong.” Ed managed while struggling to catch his breath both from their sudden change in position and the fact that Oswald was now on top of him currently nibbling at his ear. Ed let his head fall back into the pillows and allowed himself to just feel his eyes fluttering open and closed whenever Oswald would suck or nip at a particularly sensitive spot. “For the record,” he inhaled sharply as Oswald licked a stripe up his neck. “I...I think this is how I would like to start all my days from now on.”

Oswald paused his attack and nuzzled his cheek into Edward’s chest. “I’ll just have to keep that in mind my love.” He felt Ed practically pur beneath him at the term of endearment. Something else to keep in mind he thought. The pair of them laid there for a couple more moments 

Then Ed began to squirm. 

“Ed?”

Ed hummed his agreement.

“Dear…” There it was a again a barely perceptible tremor of pleasure at the nickname. “Would you like to get up? You’re squirming.” 

“No I...I want something else.” Oswald rolled off Ed and propped himself up on an elbow. He could see the other man was blushing furiously now and avoiding his eye.

“What is it?” Oswald had a few ideas what it could be but he didn’t want to propose anything that would make Edward uncomfortable. “You can tell me Ed. Anything at all.”

Ed took a deep breath and then spoke. “I want you inside of me.” His eyes widened, he couldn’t believe he had really said that and then he concluded “I want you to fuck me.” Ed pulled a pillow up over himself to hide his face and flopped back ashamed. 

After a moment he felt Oswald get up and off the other side of the bed. He heard a drawer open some rummaging around inside of it and then the drawer closed again. Oswald came around to stand at the edge of the bed directly in front of him. When Ed still didn’t uncover his face he heard Oswald cough pointedly. 

What Ed saw when he finally emerged left him speechless. Oswald was standing there in front of him fully nude. His jaw dropped as his eyes landed on two things. In his left hand was clutched a bottle of lube and with his right he was stroking a rather large fully erect penis. Ed swallowed eyes drifting between the bottle and the man’s considerable length until Oswald broke the silence.

“If you were serious I think perhaps you better take your clothes off too.” 

Ed unfroze casting aside the pillow and obeying eagerly. Oswald smiled at this and then bit his lip when Ed flipped over onto his stomach and stretched his bare legs apart an invitation for Oswald to get him ready. This was turning into a great Saturday.

Oswald settled into place between Ed’s out stretched legs and eyed Ed’s entrance as he lubed up a few fingers. “I seems only fair to inform you I have no idea what I’m doing.”

Ed had suspected as much. “I’ll tell you what feels good.” Edward was a curious man, as such he had fingered himself before, however he had no idea what the experience would be like with someone else, not to mention what he hoped would come after. He felt like he was going to burst from the excitement and the anticipation. 

At last he felt Oswald probe him cautiously going in only to about the first knuckle. He was about to reassure Oswald when the finger plunged all the way in and Ed went cross eyed with pleasure. All promises of articulation forgotten an incoherent moan all that he could manage as the finger plunged into him again and again.

Oswald stared transfixed at his finger disappearing into Edward. The fantasies he’d indulged in on occasion were nothing compared to this moment. Ed was so tight and so hot. He was elated at the prospect of how that would feel around him. Ed’s noises were music to his ears that increased in volume and pitch as he added in another finger. 

He was so enthralling like this so different from the controlled clinical man he could seem to the rest of the word. There was nothing factual about this moment, this had to be pure magic, Oswald thought. Here was Edward Nygma rocking back into Oswald’s fingers his skin flushing beautifully and chest rising and falling quicker and quicker as he fell apart under his touch. Oswald was absolutely thrilled to be the cause of this animalistic want.

Ed felt a third finger slide into him and he lost his mind. All he could think of now was more. Ed pulled at Oswald gesturing for him to stop. 

“What is it Ed? What do you want?” Ed’s brain was already fried in answer he managed to flip over onto his back and hook his legs behind Oswald.

“I need… need you to take me now… please.”

Oswald smiled at how Ed’s reduced vocabulary had become as he slicked himself up for the main event and lined up at Ed’s entrance.

Oswald tried to control himself to not get lost in the feeling and end up hurting Ed, All he could think about was how good Ed felt as he buried himself in his heat inch by glorious inch. Ed’s head lolled back once more when he was all the way in they both sat there for a moment breathing heavily. Oswald’s hands on Ed’s hips steadying him.

“Oswald. Move...please.”

“With pleasure.”

If the noises Ed was making before were music then the sounds he made while being fucked were that of an epic orchestra. Oswald drank in the experience of being completely buried in the one he loved and the unholy sounds of his frantic oohs and ahs punctuated only occasionally with the words ‘more’ or ‘please’ or when Oswald angled himself just right a fervent ‘yes!’ that meant he’d hit the magic place to have Ed seeing sparks. He aimed for that spot within him over and over liking the way Ed’s face screwed up in pleasure and the way he could feel his hole clenching in time with his thrusts.

Ed’s was completely taken over by sensation and by the need to be filled with Oswald. He felt as though he was about to snap everything was simultaneously too much and not enough. There was the rhythmic slap of skin against skin the way his glasses would bounce up and down his nose and his own hardness would hit hit his stomach as he was pounded into the mattress. The words turned in his mind ‘harder, deeper, faster, more, more pleasure, more sex, more Oswald.’ Oh god Oswald. He was glad for the position he’d chosen for there was nothing he had wanted more than this moment, seeing Oswald over top of him, so magnificent, so focused on him on his pleasure making his dreams come true. 

Oswald was getting close and if he took Ed’s erratic breathing as a sign that he was too. He reached between them and began to stroke Edward in time with his thrust. 

“Oh dear! Oh dear!”

“I know Ed. I know.” 

Ed came first with Oswald’s name on his lips, Oswald was right behind him returning the favor and promptly collapsing on top of him. 

When the two of them finally recovered Oswald pulled out and rolled over both of them wincing as different muscles ached in protest that they had the audacity to move. Both men stilled laying on their backs next to each other staring up at the ceiling as if shocked at what they’d just done. 

Ed spoke first.

“Thank you Oswald.”

Oswald chuckled in reply and reached his hand out intertwining their fingers. “You are so very welcome.”

They both chuckled at that. Ed turned to face him. “Is your leg okay? “I didn’t hurt you did I?”

“Ed I should be asking you that.”

“Nothing I can’t handle.” Ed grinned turning back up to face the ceiling once more, he would bear his limp proudly he thought.

“Likewise.” For Oswald ignoring pain was a daily business, at least this time it had been worth it. 

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

They laid there a few more moments “Ed I have a confession to make. I’m probably going to be the jealous type.”

“What makes you say that.” 

“Yesterday, when I was you, a woman flirted with you at the library, she even told a riddle.”

Ed turned his head to the side facing Oswald. “Do you remember it?” 

Oswald sighed up at the ceiling exasperated. “No Ed I don’t remember the riddle. Point is I got so mad at her I blew up in her face and I may have actually stolen those library books.”

“That’s ok Oswald. Yesterday, when I was you, I killed Tarquin because he flirted with you.”

Oswald shot straight up in bed for the second time that morning and looked over at where Ed was still lying not giving any indication he’d said anything out of the ordinary. “You did what now?”

Ed propped himself up on his elbows face serious. “He said he would show you a good time, said he was better for you than I was. Don’t worry I had it taken care of, I called Zsasz and your other associate.”

“Huh” Oswald laid back again “I was wondering why you came home in my back up suit.” he snuggled into the man beside him contentedly. “Don’t worry he wasn’t my type.”

***

Oswald walked into the library holding the stolen books that his fiance finally convinced him to bring back. 

He wasn’t sure why all these months later he had decided it mattered but Ed had taken it upon himself to clear out some space for his new lab equipment, the wedding planning, and no doubt one of the new plans he was cooking up to terrorize the GCPD, and these books ‘Just simply have to go Oswald they are hindering my productivity.’

So here he was. Oswald, the sentimentalist that he was, couldn’t bare to just throw the books away. They were a reminder of the phenomenon that brought them together in the first place and also he knew if Ed found out he would have a fit about the wasted knowledge. He really would do anything to make Edward happy.

As approached the desk he didn’t bother hiding his annoyance at seeing the same obnoxiously blonde librarian working the front. 

She jumped up when she saw him eager to please. “Mister Mayor, wow, to what do I owe the pleasure.”

“I’m just returning some books.”

“Forgive me but you haven’t checked out any books at this location that I am aware of.”

“Ah yes well I am just returning them for my fiance Edward.”

Her face went in an instant from understanding to barely disguised shock. “Oh. I see, well he made quite an impression when he was last here.”

Oswald began to get an idea of how he could manage to have some fun out of this visit after all.

“Sorry if he treated you poorly he was just so down after they released him from Arkham.”

Her eyebrows shot up. “Don’t people typically go to Arkham for murder.”

“Oswald nodded solemnly and then flashed her a shark’s grin “It’s one of many things we share in common. I can’t say what I’d do to the poor soul who tries to come in between us.”

Her eyebrows were almost at her hairline at this point her hands clutched to her heart either out of shock or fear at his obvious threat. 

Good. 

Oswald slammed the books down with slightly more force than strictly necessary and the poor woman jumped out of her skin. “Well have a nice day” 

He spun around and swaggered, practically strutting out of the library feeling that he had satisfactorily marked his territory. He didn’t even spare the librarian a passing glance as he threw open the doors and beckoned his driver over, after all he had a fiance to get home to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a blast! Hope you love it as much as I do.


End file.
